节奏大师贝多芬:Desperate Housewives

 Episode One, Season One,  My name is Mary Alice Young. When you read this morning's paper, you may come across an article about the unusual day I had last week. Normally there is never anything newsworthy about my life. But that all changed last Thursday. Of course, anything seemed quite normal at first. I made breakfast for my family. I performed my chores. I completed my projects. I ran my errands. In truth, I spent the day as I spent every other day, quietly polishing the routine of my life, until it gleamed with perfection. That's why it was so astonishing when I decided to go to my hallway closet and retrive a revolver that had never been used.   My body was discovered by my neighbor, Mrs Martha Huber, who had been startled by a strange popping sound. Her curiosity aroused. Mrs Huber try to think of a reason  for dropping in on me unannounced. After some initial hesitation, she decided to return the blander she had borrowed from me six month before.     "It's my neighbor. I think she's been shot. There's blood everywhere. Yes, you've got to sent an ambulance.  You've got to sent one right now."     And for a moment, Mrs Huber stood motionless in her kitchen, grief-stricken by the senseless tragedy. But, only for a moment! If there was one thing Mrs Huber was known for, it was her ability to look on the bright side.     I was laid to rest on a Monday. After the funeral,  all the residents of Wisteria Lane came to pay their respects. And as people do in these situations, they brought food. Lynette Scavo brought fried chicken. Lynette had a great family recipe for fried chicken. Of course,  she didn't cook much while she was moving up the corperate ladders. She didn't have the time. But when her doctor announced Lynette was pregnant, her husband Tom had an idea, "Why not quit your job? Kids do better with stay-at-home moms. It would be so much less stressful." But this was not the case. In fact, Lynette's life had become so hectic, she's now forced to get her fried chicken from a fast-food restaurant. Lynette would have appreciated the irony if she stopped to think about it. But she couldn't. She didn't have the time.     " Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!"    "But Mom!"    " No. You're going to behave today. I'm not going to be humiliated in front of the entire neighborhood. And just so you know how serious I am..    "What's that?"    " Santa's cell phone number"    " How did you get that?"    "I know someone who knows someone who knows an elf, and if any of you acts up, so help me. I will call Santa. And I would tell him, you want socks for Christmas. You're willing to risk that? OK, let's get this over with."      Gabrielle Solis who lives down the block, brought a spicy paella. Since her modeling days in New York, Gabrielle developed a taste for rich food, and rich men. Carlos, who worked in mergers and acqisitions, proposed on their third date. Gabrielle was touched when tears welled up in his eyes. But she soon discovered this happened every time Carlos closed the big deal.  Gabrielle liked the paella piping hot. However her relationship with her husband was considerably cooler.     "If you talk to Al Mason at this thing, I want you to casually mention how much I paid for your necklace."    "Why don't I just pin the receipt to my chest?"    "He let me know how much he paid for his wife's new convertible. Look, just work it into the conversation."    "There's no way I can just work that in, Carlos."    "Why not? At the Donoghue party, everyone was talking mutual funds, and you found a way to mention you slept with half the Yankee outfield."    "I'm telling you, it came up in the context of the conversation"    "Hey, people are starting to stare. Can you keep your voice down, please?"    "Absolutely. We wouldn't want them to think we're not happy."