西安光机所研究生待遇:Through the fight to promote feelings (husband)

来源：百度文库编辑：九乡新闻网时间：2024/07/14 09:06:58

                                  Through the fight to promote feelings (husband)

With the above;

      In Chinese tradition, the life of the old couple never had boring a model for their children should study. However, the United States, "Journal of Family Psychology," has an anti-traditional, raised a new point of view: every day, not necessarily the happiest marriage and courteous, would quarrel with the most happy couple was living.
    For most couples, life is impossible without quarrel. But the same argument, some of the more noisy feeling more solid, but some can only end up breaking up. The difference between them is that you really mastered the art of arguing. "Husband and wife quarrel," This branch of learning is that many people today need to learn the "compulsory."

Top reasons couples quarrel

    Many couples talk to reporters, as an incredibly trivial and noisy, the impulse of the devil driven Koubuzeyan, be used to fight like a blunt of the file, little by little, the feelings of two people getting worn thin. "Every fight is to cry, really hate myself. Reality not the same as always and think." "Fight, why quarrel had forgot all about it, but the quarrel but remember clearly the feeling of heartache."

"Today you do the dishes why so salty," "just to rub you how dirty they are," large "financial powers in the family who owns the pipe", "children which university entrance examination report" and will lead to endless quarrel. U.S. survey found that on average each couple quarrel once every two days. Ranked first in the fight because of the children and the second position is what to buy and what to buy, and should not be assigned household chores and other household chores, the third is communication. Although the cause of the quarrel by money only 18%, but then the most far-reaching impact of marital relationship and the serious.

    University of Denver professor of psychology, family and marriage research center co-chair Howard Markman spent 30 years between husband and wife at the time of resolution of the dispute this issue. In his view, whether it is a dispute between husband and wife, bickering, or nagging, no difference, ultimately often lead to heated arguments, the results of a total of three types: unilateral or mutual abuse, silence, and stormed out.

Argument to promote healthy emotional

   Relations in marriage, whether the fight is brought negative effect? WANG Yu Counseling Association, Shanghai, such as do not think so. She said that exchanges between people actually fight, get along, a way of communication. Between husband and wife have two advantages: first, to hear the truth. Quarrel, the words of the urge to say what, the words are usually not conceal it the same as 竹筒倒豆子 poured out. This will help to understand each other's true thoughts to each other after a fight can be explained, adjust and improve their behavior. Second, it helps vent their negative emotions. Vent negative feelings between husband and wife each other, is one of the functions of marriage, because only the husband and wife is the real community of interests, some of the parents and siblings can not say that only between husband and wife can say. And to bear the negative emotions, but also to the couple as a pair on the journey of life a true partnership, from a more solid relationship.

   Quarrel is a healthy marital relationship. It is like a second intense commercial negotiations, its purpose is to seek a compromise, that the couple also each other's views seriously children. But the quarrel is also divided into two kinds of malignant and benign quarrel. So-called healthy argument, the biggest feature is the non-repetitive, each for different things and noisy. Vicious argument is repetitive, with a total stop to an old problem noise every time to solve. This often involves arguments between husband and wife on personality, great outlook on life, habits, deep-seated contradictions in the conflict, is real problems with the performance of marriage, it may lead to marital breakdown, requires the help of marriage counseling and other external forces to solve.

Six Tips to quarrel

    Since the fight is a form of communication, how to make it more smoothly, depends on the art of argument. Couples blame each other, disagree on the other side's views and walked out and are negative communication. On this road to go farther away from the more recent outcome of the divorce. Experts believe that the right fight techniques include the following six areas:

    Quarrel with periods of stress. Swedish study shows that couples most likely to cause temporary quarrel in the morning to go to work 4 minutes, and come home to 4 minutes. This is our moment of physical and mental fatigue, it is best not to come into conflict, it will easily sharpened. WANG Yu like that, especially before going to work to try to avoid a quarrel, because the noise smashed hard to make up, will Wohuo day. In addition, before going to sleep at night not to fight, because this is a day when the most vulnerable psychological, control down, it is easy to hid the fire.

    Particular about the location of quarrel. Remington said that between husband and wife must be at home, shut the bedroom door. Never noisy when driving, emotional control is very dangerous; the parents, relatives, children do not quarrel in front, this will only expand the conflict, hurt others; strangers in shopping malls and other crowded places Do not quarrel in the stranger concerned, the fight is easy to upgrade.

    Absolutely can not say four words. First, denying the other the role of, say, "I had a boyfriend more than you", "you see in other units than your husband a good wife." Second, denying the other value, such as "not your family home, outside, outside, no, you can do ah?" Third, because the one thing all the negative things to say. Such as time and clean up have not to accuse each other "clean never had." Fourth, the words expressing negative expectations, such as "Do not go over too, and got a divorce."

    Do not end the Cold War or the accused. Just blame each other, such as "you do not go to parents, children and regardless, you do with a mother", or simply the cold war, and make arguments deadlocked. As put forward specific requirements, such as "Can you use 40 minutes per night doing homework with their children?" Let your partner know how to do next to solve the problem.

    Best not to cry. Quarrel is not purely emotional confrontation, but the logic of confrontation, and crying will make emotions influence decision-making. Heated argument should restrain myself, and temporarily left the "live", such as the toilets, to kitchen washing dishes, clean up clean up the house, give each other a cool opportunity. After their voices, a joke, to send a small gift, invite the other to watch a movie, are all to resolve the road.

    Husband first compromise. Egg the size of the brain, the "limbic system", which is the place of emotion. The limbic system in women than men, failing to easily determine their gut instinct and unreasonable. Useless in the defense, the man best shut up and stretched out his hands, a hug of affection expressed far better than thousands of words.

     We must always remember, the arguments not to hurt each other. Because there is love, we come together, only to communicate to catching to the old

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