部门聚会主题名称:The Secret Of Dads' Success 父爱的奥秘

父爱的奥秘
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陶德•施梅尔(Todd Schiermeier)和裘蒂•施梅尔(Jodie Schiermeier)夫妇位于伊利诺州奥法隆(O'Fallon)的家中，吃过晚饭后，就到了“缠住老爸”的时间。这时候，施梅尔先生就会和他的三个孩子——分别是7岁的莱莉(Rylee)、4岁的肯锡(Kinsey)和20个月大的杰斯(Jace)——坐在地上，展开一场骑大马、互掷枕头、扭打和摔跤的热烈活动。

父亲带孩子的好处
研究表明，父亲和母亲抚养孩子的方式完全不同，父亲的教育对孩子的成长具有长期、有益的影响。
这和施梅尔太太陪伴孩子们玩耍的情景形成了鲜明的对比，她说她基本上只是抱抱他们，或者适可而止地瘙 逗乐。
施梅尔太太说，这种激烈的游戏已经使她的大女儿从中受益。在和爸爸玩耍的过程中，她变得更坚强了。他正在教她如何承受生活中的打击，勇敢地面对并做出反击。三个孩子都在学习“轮流来”的概念以及作为一个团队互相协作的精神。施梅尔先生这么做是有意的：“我要把他们推到舒适的温室之外。”
据估计，全美国大约有7010万名父亲准备庆祝父亲节，最近的研究显示，他们那种不同寻常的育儿风格特别值得表扬：父亲们倾向于采用的互动方式将使孩子长期受益，这和良好的母亲育儿方式所带来的好处完全是两码事。
除了激烈摔打的游戏外，男人们往往会要求哭泣哀嚎的孩子用语言来表达自己的意愿和诉求。男人们更喜欢让孩子吓一跳，冲他们做鬼脸或偷偷靠近他们，以此为乐。《育子对弈：从父母到伙伴》(Partnership Parenting)一书的作者之一、耶鲁大学医学院(Yale School of Medicine)儿童精神病学临床教授凯尔•普鲁特(Kyle Pruett)称，父母双方就连抱孩子的方式往往都不一样，爸爸们喜欢采用“橄榄球式抱法”把宝宝夹在胳膊底下，而妈妈们则喜欢采用文艺复兴时期的艺术作品中常见的“圣母玛利亚式”来抱孩子，和孩子面对面，用胳膊托着他们的后脑勺。
当然，母亲和父亲都能做到良好育儿方式的基本要求——温暖、支持、监督和积极正面的训导。通过转变行为，男人和女人都能担当为人父或为人母的角色。从统计学角度来看，对母亲和父亲进行的大规模抽样调查显示，他们之间的平均行为差异很小。而且，他们的角色也有很多重叠之处。例如，根据伊利诺伊大学(University of Illinois)的一项分析显示，父母双方和孩子在一起时都把很大一部分时间用在玩耍上——父亲为35%，母亲为29%。
Dave Whamond
父亲参与育儿所带来的好处早已为我们所知，根据2008年发表在学术期刊《儿科学报》(Acta Paediatrica)上的对父亲参与育儿的16项长期研究进行的分析显示，这些好处包括：提高孩子的认知能力、减少学龄儿童的行为问题、降低青少年男孩的犯罪率、减少年轻女性的心理问题。
父亲的一些行为可能源自他们家庭赡养者的角色。尽管目前女性也是劳动力大军的一个重要组成部分，但在超过四分之三的已婚夫妇家庭，男人仍然是主要的经济来源。
据Workplace Options公司最近对459位就业成人进行的调查显示，有48%的职业父亲每天和孩子呆在一起的时间不足6小时，而职业母亲的这个比例为31%。这家位于北卡罗来纳州罗利(Raleigh)的公司提供员工帮助及工作生活计划。
这样一来，父亲可能就不太熟悉孩子们的非语言暗示。这样的父亲往往会要求孩子更多地用语言来表达自己的情感，从而有助于培养孩子更好的认知能力，这是研究人员在有父亲参与育儿的两岁孩子身上发现的技能。
育儿方式的不同可能根源于神经病学方面的差异。研究表明，面对压力，男人的大脑会变得兴奋，对挑战做出身体上的反应，迅速采取行动。而女性更有可能退缩或封闭起来。
普鲁特博士称，由于父亲们有过不得不学会控制自己以暴力应对挫折的冲动的经历，他们也许能比母亲更好地帮助孩子控制他们干坏事的冲动。
事实上，据非营利性的儿童发展研究及政策机构“零岁至三岁”(Zero to Three)在2009年对1,615位父母进行的调查显示，父亲通常不会像母亲那样对孩子的坏脾气或不良行为感到烦恼。认为孩子乱发脾气是他们面临的最大挑战之一的父亲人数只有母亲人数的一半。
据《行为与大脑科学》(Behavioral and Brain Sciences)杂志在2009年发表的一项分析显示，父亲对孩子行为的影响最早可能开始于婴儿时期。根据一项对母亲和父亲与5个月大的婴儿互动的视频分析，母亲总是让宝宝保持安静，凝视他们，和他们一起牙牙学语，充满感情地抚摸他们。
相比之下，父亲往往让宝宝变得更加兴奋，经常和他们玩能够唤醒和刺激他们的体力游戏。
在孩子逐渐长大的过程中，这种差异一直存在。研究表明，较大孩子的母亲往往更多地与孩子谈论他们的挫败，而父亲则努力分散孩子的注意力，鼓励他们继续前进。
当然，父亲参与育儿有助于孩子成长的另一个原因是，当父母双方分工合作、满足孩子的需求并互相支持时，整个家庭往往运行得更好。
家住北卡罗来纳州卡瑞(Cary)的卡利普•霍尔(Callip Hall)和克丽丝婷•霍尔(Christine Hall)通过为人父母近三年的经历发现，他们在育儿方面存在差异。最近，他们两岁的女儿艾拉(Ella)从椅子上摔下来，霍尔先生将她抱起并带她离开桌旁以分散她的注意力。他说，他想让她知道，如果她不是真的感到很疼，爸爸妈妈是不会支持她的哭诉和抱怨的。他发现艾拉正在学着抖落小挫折，继续前进。
霍尔太太说,“我就比较罗嗦。在这种情况下我会马上开始说，‘哦，艾拉，告诉妈妈发生了什么。你还好吧？’”但是，她说，虽然做母亲的本能会促使她走过去表示关切，但她会努力克制自己，等艾拉哭一会儿之后，再和她的丈夫一起拍拍她的后背、安慰她。
霍尔太太说，在两人的共同努力下，他们很快就能让她安静下来。我们都认为两种育儿方式没有什么对错之分，只是不同而已。最后，她补充说,“我们是互补的。”
The Secret Of Dads' Success
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After dinner at Todd and Jodie Schiermeier's house in O'Fallon, Ill., it is 'tackle Dad' time. That's when Mr. Schiermeier gets down on the floor with their three children, Rylee, 7, Kinsey, 4, and Jace, 20 months, for a session of 'horseback rides and pillow fights and tackle and wrestle,' he says.
It is a stark contract to Ms. Schiermeier's playtime with the kids, who says she mostly cuddles them or has 'a little tickle fight.'
The rough play is already benefiting her older daughter, who is 'a little timid,' Ms. Schiermeier says. 'She has toughened up a little' playing with her dad. 'He is teaching her how to take the blows of life, and to get in there and fight.' All three kids are learning to take turns and work as a team. For Mr. Schiermeier, that is intentional: 'I push them to get outside their comfort zones.'
As an estimated 70.1 million fathers prepare to celebrate Father's Day in the U.S., recent research shows that their distinct style of parenting is particularly worth recognition: The way dads tend to interact has long-term benefits for kids, independent of those linked to good mothering.
Beyond rough-and-tumble play, men tend to challenge crying or whining children to use words to express themselves. Men are more likely to startle their offspring, making faces or sneaking up on them to play. Even the way parents hold babies tends to differ, with men cradling infants under their arm in a 'football hold' and moms using the 'Madonna position' seen in Renaissance artwork -- tucked under their chins face-to-face, says Kyle Pruett, co-author of 'Partnership Parenting' and a clinical professor of child psychiatry at the Yale School of Medicine.
Of course, both mothers and fathers can provide the basics of good parenting -- warmth, support, supervision and positive discipline. Women and men can play either 'mothering' or 'fathering' roles by changing their behavior. The average behavioral differences between large samples of moms and dads are small, in statistical terms. Also, their roles overlap a lot. For example, both parents spend a large share of their time with children in play -- 35% for fathers, and 29% for mothers, based on a University of Illinois analysis.
The benefits of involved fathering are known: improved cognitive skills, fewer behavioral problems among school-age children, less delinquency among teenage boys and fewer psychological problems in young women, based on an analysis of 16 long-term studies of father involvement, published in 2008 in the scholarly journal Acta Paediatrica.
Some of dads' behavior may spring from their roles as family breadwinners. Although mothers play a significant role in the workforce, men are still the primary breadwinners in more than three-fourths of married-couple households.
And 48% of working fathers spend less than six hours a day with their children, compared with 31% of working mothers, according to a recent poll of 459 working adults by Workplace Options, a provider of employee-assistance and work-life programs in Raleigh, N.C.
As a result, fathers may be less familiar with their children's nonverbal cues. Such dads tend to challenge children more to express themselves in words, helping foster the better cognitive skills researchers have found in 2-year-olds with involved fathers.
Parenting patterns may be rooted in neurological differences. Under stress, research shows, men's brains are wired to respond to challenges physically, leaping into action. Women are more likely to withdraw or shut down.
Because fathers have had to learn to manage their own impulses to strike out or react physically to frustration, they may be better equipped than mothers to help children manage their own urges to behave badly, Dr. Pruett says.
Indeed, fathers typically aren't as upset as mothers by kids' tantrums or bad behavior, based on a 2009 survey of 1,615 parents by Zero to Three, a nonprofit child-development research and policy organization. Only half as many fathers as mothers say their children's temper tantrums are one of their biggest challenges.
Fathers' impact on kids' behavior may begin as early as infancy, a 2009 analysis in Behavioral and Brain Sciences suggests. Mothers tend to keep their babies calm, gazing at them, babbling together and affectionately touching them, based on video analyses of mothers and fathers interacting with their 5-month-old infants.
In contrast, fathers tend to get the babies more excited and laughing, often playing physical games that startle or arouse them.
The differences persist as children grow older. Research shows that mothers of older children tend to talk more with their children about their frustrations, while fathers may try to distract a child and encourage him or her to move on.
Another reason involved fathers help kids, of course, is that families often function better when two parents are working as a team to give children what they need, supporting each other's efforts.
Since Callip and Christine Hall, who live in Cary, N.C., became parents nearly three years ago, they have noticed differences in their parenting. When their 2-year-old daughter, Ella, fell off her chair recently, Mr. Hall picked her up and carried her away from the table to distract her. He says he wants to teach her that 'we're not going to cater to the whimpering if she's not really in pain,' and he sees Ella learning to shake off minor setbacks and move on.
'I'm more verbose,' Ms. Hall says. I would have immediately started saying, 'Oh, Ella, tell Mommy what happened. Are you OK?' ' she says. But while 'my mothering instinct was to go over there and hover,' she says, she restrained herself while Ella cried for a few moments, then joined her husband to pat Ella's back and soothe her.
Soon, 'between efforts by both of us, we were able to get her to calm down,' Ms. Hall says. 'Neither one of us thinks one way of parenting is right or wrong. It's just different.' In the end, she adds, 'we are complementary.'
Sue Shellenbarger